What Could Have Been
by sailoranime
Summary: PoA AU. What if Pettigrew had been killed and Sirius hadn't had to run away? What if Harry stopped trusting the teacher he'd grown to care for as a friend? Will Sirius get his freedom, or will he be asked to sell out his best friend?
1. Chapter 1

What Could Have Been 

What Could Have Been 

By: Sailoranime 

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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters. The first part of the script, you'll recognize it, is directly from the 3rd book, Harry potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. 

AN: Okay, I should be working on Dwelling, but I'm taking a small break. Come on, it's only been like a week since the last update. I really had to write this, because if I don't I get all the little plot bunnies procreating and stuff, and that's never good. Anyway, this is an au fic, and uh... I'll try to make the chapters as long as I can. I know I have a habit of taking out small little 5 page chapters... Ah, well, I'll save any more notes for the bottom. 

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Black and Lupin stood shoulder to shoulder, wands raised. 

"You should have realized," said Lupin quietly, "if Voldemort didn't kill you, we would. Goodbye Peter." 

Hermione covered her face with her hands and turned to the wall. 

"NO!" Harry yelled. He ran forward, placing himself in front of Pettigrew, facing the wands. "You can't kill him," he said breathlessly. "You can't." 

Black and Lupin both looked staggered. 

"Harry, this piece of vermin is the reason you have no parents," Black snarled. " This cringing bit of filth would have seen you die too, without turning a hair. You heard him. His own stinking skin meant more to him than your whole family." 

"I know," Harry panted. "We'll take him up to the castle. We'll hand him over to the dementors.... He can go to Azkaban... but don't kill him." 

"Harry," gasped Pettigrew, and he flung his arms around Harry's knees. "You - thank you - it's more than I deserve - thank you-" 

" Get off me," Harry spat, throwing Pettigrew's hands off him in disgust. "I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it because - I don't reckon my dad would've wanted them to become killers - just for you." 

No one moved or made a sound except Pettigrew, whose breath was coming in wheezes as he clutched his chest. Black and Lupin were looking at each other. Then, with one movement, they lowered their wands. 

"You're the only person who has the right to decide, Harry," said Black. "But think... what he did...." 

"He can go to Azkaban," Harry repeated. "If anyone deserves that place, he does...." 

"Very well," said Lupin. " stand aside, Harry." 

Harry hesitated. 

"I'm just going to tie him up," said Lupin. "That's all, I swear." 

LUPIN'S POINT OF VIEW 

I couldn't believe what Harry was asking of me. Or rather, us. For years, I had cursed Sirius, often wishing I had caught him before the Ministry so I could have killed him. But it hadn't been Sirius. And now, the person responsible for everything was in front of me. All it would take would be 2 words and my wand, and I could punish him. But Harry wanted to stop us. He didn't want us to kill the bastard that betrayed his parents, killed 12 muggles, and put his godfather in Azkaban. 

I heard Sirius telling Harry something, but I was still in a sort of daze. I had to respect Harry's decision. Didn't it? It was really his call. I came out of my thoughts in time to hear Harry speak. 

"If anyone deserves that place, he does...." 

Sirius is contemplating going against Harry's wishes, I can tell. I make myself speak before Sirius does anything rash. 

"Very well, stand aside, Harry." 

The boy looks hesitant. But how can I blame him? 

"I'm just going to tie him up, that's all, I swear." I promise him. He still looks hesitant, but he obeys. 

I want to kill Pettigrew. But I can't do it, because it's Harry's choice. I force myself not to think of everything Peter did. I force myself to ignore my anger, and remain calm. That, of course, only makes me think about things even more. But I can't kill him. My anger is still growing, but I've promised Harry. I raise my wand and open my mouth to mutter the curse to tie him up, but the entirely wrong words come out. 

"Avada Kedavra." 

So simple. I didn't mutter them as I meant to. Hell, I hadn't meant to say them at all. I didn't yell them either. They were calm, almost as if I was telling Harry he'd passed his test for my class. I hear a thud as Wormtails body slides from the wall and falls on the floor. It hadn't quite struck me until that moment. I had killed him. I didn't feel regret. Not even for breaking my promise to Harry. But I was still surprised. My eye widen and I turn to Sirius, who has an understanding look in his eyes. Then slowly, I turn to Harry, who is still staring as Pettigrew in horror. I'm dreading the moment he turns to look at me. But it comes, as all things do. 

" You... you killed him." he says shakily. 

" I'm sorry, Harry-" and I really am, suddenly. 

" You killed him! You promised... and you said you were only going to tie him up. You killed him." Harry says shakily, pointing at me and backing up. 

" Harry, I didn't mean to-" I'm not sure I can understand why Harry is upset. Wormtail killed his parents. He should be... well, not happy, but not reacting like this either. 

"YOU DON'T JUST RAISE YOUR WAND AND KILL SOMEONE WITH A SPELL THAT'S MEANT TO TIE THEM UP!" Harry roars. And I think I understand why he's upset. He's just seen someone killed. He has just seen someone he trusted commit murder. Sirius walks over to him and puts and arm on his shoulder. 

THIRD PERSON POV 

" Calm down, Harry. Pettigrew killed your parents. He deserved. You know that." Sirius said, putting his arm on Harry's shoulder and speaking soothingly. Harry turned to Hermione and Ron, who were still looking at Pettigrew, their eyes wide. When Harry spoke, there a hint of a pleading tone in his voice. 

"He... he promised... I trusted him, Sirius." Sirius sighed. 

" I know... but Harry, think about it..." 

Before Harry could answer, Ron spoke in a shaky voice, still staring at Pettigrew. 

" Can we go now? Please?" 

Sirius nodded. " Yeah... we need to get you to Madame Pomfrey... Then we have to take _him_," he said, motioning at Pettigrew, " to Dumbledore. Better drop Snivelly off at the infirmary too... And you and the girl too Harry. I... uh... tackled you a bit too hard." He then walked over to Lupin. " May I borrow your wand?" 

For a second, Harry had the strange idea that Lupin was going to curse Sirius too and kill them all, but he knew Lupin wouldn't do that. Lupin merely handed Sirius the wand, almost as if he was glad to get rid of it. Sirius turned to Ron and muttered a spell that bandaged Ron's leg. 

" I could do more... but I haven't done magic in a long time. I don't want to risk hurting your leg. Do you think you can walk?" Ron nodded. 

"Good. Uh... take your wand back, Remus, we'll levitate Wormtail and Snape up to the castle. Uh... I need a wand.... Snape's wand snapped....." 

Lupin spoke, his voice slightly shaky. " You can take my wand." Sirius shook his head and thrust the wand into Lupin's hands. Harry, his previous fear of Lupin killing them suddenly nagging at his brain again, handed his wand to his unarmed godfather. Sirius looked surprised, but took it. Slowly, Ron got up and Harry walked over to him so he could lean on him for support on their way to the castle. Hermione finally took her eyes off of Pettigrew and joined Harry in helping Ron, though she still kept glancing at Wormtail every once in a while. 

" I... uh... better take Peter." Lupin said quietly, levitating Wormtail. Sirius nodded and levitated snape. Harry picked up his cloak quickly. Slowly, they made their way out ouf of the house and into the tunnels leading back to the Whomping willow. 

About half an hour later, they reached the exit, and crookshanks touched the knot on the tree, making it freeze. They made it out in a single file line, Harry, Ron, and Hermione at the very back, where Sirius and the floating Snape covered Pettigrew from his sight. He was about to open his mouth to speak to Sirius, when Lupin inhaled sharply. 

"Sirius..." 

Sirius looked at Lupin, who was now bathed in the light from the full moon. " Run! Go!" he yelled, handing Harry back his wand and taking Lupin's and thrusting it in Hermione's hands. Ron's eyes widened, and they began to try to run, Harry and Hermione still supporting him and levitating the two lifeless figures. Sirius Black transformed and ran at Lupin, chasing him into the woods. 

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AN: Something of a cliffhanger, huh? Well, I figured it'd be a good place to end it. I think I'm going to like writing this story. ^_^ Btw, OotP NEVER, EVER happened. As soon as I'm done with Dwelling and Blame, I will go into deep denial and go back to thinking J.K. hasn't released the fifth book and keep waiting for it. he he... now for a shameless plug. ^_^ 

Okay, if you're a fan of the Marauders, Moony (Lupin), Wormtail (Peter) *grumbles*, Padfoot (Sirius)*sad sigh*, and Prongs (James), and a member on neopets.com, then join Marauder Mayhem. ^_^ It's under the account 'sailor_melody', so go ahead and check that out... We offer some stuff, including contests, links, and guild jobs.... but I won't go into detail here.... Ah.... well, don't forget to review and stuff... Um... Good night, New York! Er... good night even if you don't live in New York.... *hands out chocolate* Don't you just feel like reviewing now? 


	2. Chapter 2

What Could Have Been 

What Could Have Been 

By: Sailoranime 

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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters. The first part of the script, you'll recognize it, is directly from the 3rd book, Harry potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. 

AN: Chapter 2, as promised. I've finally updated Dwelling too, so no complaining about that! ^_^ Er.. as always, notes at the bottom. Oh, one last thing, this is not slash. At _all_. I do not write slash, I do not even read it unless it's subtle and only in a good story. That rule stand on all slash, except for Sirius/Harry slash. I will _never, ever_ read Harry/Sirius slash. I don't like it. It just seems wrong for me, and the best writer in the world could not make it work for me. Not even J.K. who is the creator of HP would be able to pull it off and make it work for me. 

That is my opinion, and I must ask you to respect it and not get offended by it. I could care less about anyone's sexual orientation. I'm not homophobic or anything. I simply believe that the HP characters are straight and should be kept the way they were written. Let me put it this way: I hate Harry/Sirius slash more than I hate Mary-sues and stories where Sirius finds a girl. It just doesn't seem like something that would happen. I believe Sirius is just one of those characters that don't have romantic attachments. He's not in the books to find a wife or anything, he's there to help Harry and be a parental figure. I tend to find Sirius/Remus slash better than Sirius/Original Character romance stories. Any pairings that I may write into the story later will not include Sirius. Just a warning. If you're looking for slash or Sirius/anybody pairings, you won't find them here. 

Now that I've scared away a few readers ^_^, let me state one last thing. I am tolerant. I will read stories the have pairings I don't like, including slash, as long as the story is very well written and I find it entertaining. This goes for everything, excluding Mary Sues and Harry/Sirius slash. 

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Harry looked back at the werewolf and dog fighting at the edge of the forbidden forest. He was too preoccupied with Sirius that he didn't notice the 20 or so Dementors that were headed their way until Hermione gave a frightened shriek. He whirled around and looked at the cloaked figures in shock. 

"Harry! Look!" Ron yelled. He could already feel the coldness seeping into his bones. 

" Think happy thoughts and yell 'Expecto Patronum'!" Harry yelled. But Ron, already weakened from the effort of walking with his broken leg, fell to the ground. Hermione yelled "Expecto Patronum!" somewhere behind Harry, but only a weak shadow came out. The dementors were sorrounding them now, and closing in. 

' Sirius is innocent. He was my dad's best friend. He'll tell me all about how my parents were good people, and it'll be like knowing them myself.' 

" Expecto Patronum!" Harry yelled, but nothing came out. Happy memories were suddenly too scarce and not quite happy enough. More dementors were coming. He could hear his mother's screams starting now... " Expecto Patronum!" he yelled again, and a silvery shadow burst out, forming a sort of cloud-like a mist around the three. The dementors made to move it aside, and Harry's mind began getting clearer. 

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" He yelled again, and something huge bursts out of the tip of his wand, it galloped around them making the dementors back up, driving them away. He fell to his knees and then face down, closing his eyes. It took a few minutes for him to regain conciousness. He hadn't actually looked where he'd collapsed, he'd been too exhausted. He could fell someone next to him on the grass. He took a deep breath and turned to look at Hermione or Ron, whichever it was. It was neither however. There, next to him, lay the dead Peter Pettigrew. His dead eyes staring straight at him, still wide open in shock; he was pale and cold. Harry gave a sharp gasp and stumbled up, hoping those eyes would stop staring at him. 

He moved towards his friends, tripping over his own feet in exhaustion, and collapsed next to them, unconcious again. 

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" He hates me, Sirius." Harry could hear muffled voices somewhere nearby. From the echoes and the atmosphere of the room, Harry could tell he was in the infirmary. He'd been there anought times to recognize it. 

" He doesn't hate you, Remus. He'll be fine. He was just a little shocked. He knows Womrtail deserved it." 

"He saw me kill him, Sirius. Do you remember how traumatizing it is the first time you see someone die?" Lupin's tone was pleading. 

"He'll get over it," Sirius answered firmly. 

" He..." 

" Remus," Sirius began warningly. 

" I know..." he sighed, " How... how'd the meeting with Dumbledore go?" He was trying hard to change the subject, and Harry suddenly felt guilty. 

" Well, I'm still alive, aren't I?" 

" He believed you?" 

Harry desperately wished he could see if Sirius was nodding or shaking his head. He took a deep breath and started pulling himself up and moving more to the side to see what Sirius was doing. Thing was, he'd ran out of bed, so instead he fell to the floor with a thud. He heard two shairs being pushed out of the way as the two men stood and rushed over to him. He was sprawled on the floor, slowly rubbing his head, which he had somehow managed to hit on a table. Sirius bent over him and between the two men, they lifted him and put him back on the bed. 

Madame Pomfrey came from out of nowhere, and tucked Harry in tightly, ushering Sirius and Lupin away. Sirius, however, refused to move further than the foot of Harry's bed.She took out a slab of chocolate and started carving out a piece. 

"Don't know _why_ you weren't with them, Mr. Black. It was fortunate Professor Snape came to... Could have been out there all night!" 

" Is he going to be alright?" Sirius asked impatiently. Madame Pomfrey nodded. 

"He'll be fine... Fudge has just given the order to remove the dementors from the grounds. Horrible beasts they are... I've had kids fainting left and right all year. As for this one, he should sleep some more." she said, and before he could protest, she forced him to drink the dreamless sleep potion. And after a few seconds, he drifted off again. 

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" He's refusing a trial? But didn't he see Peter's body?" Harry thought it must be Lupin. 

" It figures they would want to send me back to Azkaban without a trial again." Harry recognized this voice as Sirius. 

" But...! The body! The finger. He didn't take it into consideration?" Harry struggled to open his eyes. They were obviously discussing Sirius's fate. 

" I have spoken to Fudge. He wishes to interrogate Sirius with Veritaserum and in the company of three dementors for his own safety. Then he'll consider the trial. If Sirius manages to convince him, he'll set a date for a trial. If he doesn't, Sirius will be given the kiss after the interview." Dumbledore said softly, obviously not wanting Harry to hear in case he was awake. But he _had_ heard. Fudge didn't want to clear Sirius. 

" Well, what are we going to do, then? Wait and then make an appeal for a trial again?" Remus asked. 

" No. I'm going to talk to Fudge." Sirius's voice was determined. At this, Harry sat up. 

" You can't do that! He won't care! He'll order them to give you the Dementor's kiss without even interviewing you. It's a trap. He wouldn't believe you even if... if..." he gulped, " if Pettigrew was alive and confessed." 

" Harry, go back to sleep." Sirius said softly. Harry shook his head. Madame Pomfrey rushed forward from her office, gave him a large piece of chocolate, and forced him back on his pillow, tucking the blankets around him. The other probably believed he was asleep because they resumed their conversation.. 

"Harry's right. I wouldn't be surprised if he just ordered them to swoop down on you as soon as you come in to the room." Lupin said, looking at Sirius. 

" I will be in the office when he is interviewed. If Fudge should try anything, I'll stop him. It's still your choice, Sirius. I'll make sure Fudge hears you out, and I'll do my best to help you convince him, but in the end it's your soul on the balance..." 

" If I don't do this... I might mever be cleared." 

"Sirius, you can just hide until the ministry agrees to give you a trial." 

" You want me to live as an outcast? To be on the run constantly?" Sirius shook his head, " No. The sooner we can convince Fudge, the better. I rather take a risk and be cleared than just... hide and still have the reputation of a villain." 

Harry was about to say something, when something hit him in the head. He looked down and found a small piece of chocolate. But he had already finished all of his... he turned to the bed next to him. Hermione was rgiht there, motioning for him to stay quiet. He frowned. 

" If that's what you want, I can't stop you Sirius. But think about it. Harry-" 

" Harry will be fine, Remus." Sirius said firmly. 

" Sirius. Do you remember what we discussed earlier? What about that? If Fudge doesn't believe you, you won't be able to-" 

" They'll be using Veritaserum, Remus. Fudge will know I'm telling the truth. If the law is fair-" 

"-it isn't always, Sirius. You've told me that yourself countless times-" 

" Yes, but this time I have to hope it will be. If there is chance, however small, I have to take it. I can't just sit around waiting for the Ministry to come to their senses!" 

Harry turned back to Hermione who had now finished her chocolate and was staring at the three men thoughtfully. 

"Sirius, do you want to be given the Dementor's kiss? Because _that's_ what's going to happen if you agree to meet Fudge. Do you want Harry to lose his godfather?" 

" He just met me! To him I'm just his dead father's best friend. If anything happens to me, it won't matter! I'll just become someone who came in and out of his life. He doesn't need me, Remus. He has Lily's relatives. He has a family. If I don't get cleared, he'll never see me again, but I _do_, I can be a part of his life, however small. What we discussed earlier probably won't happen. He won't leave them. He's happy there." 

" He's not as happy as you think, Sirius! Don't you remember what Lily's relatives were like? He's not happy there. They didn't even tell him he was wizard! He ran away from their house this year! Why would someone who was happy run away? And don't you _dare_ say you're not important to him. In the last 24 hours that he has known about your innocence, he's grown attached to you. you heard him yourself. He doesn't want you to go! Did he sound like someone who wouldn't care what happened to you?" 

Sirius was silent. He glanced at Harry, still thinking he was asleep. Finally, he took a deep breath and spoke. 

" That only proves my point further, then, Remus. If Harry is as unhappy as you say, then it is my responsibility as his godfather to give him an option. And I can't do that if I'm on the run. Just this once, Remus, we're going to have to toss the pieces and see where they fall. 

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AN: Okay, sorry about the cliffhanger, but I'm tired, sleepy, and I have school tomorrow. *sobs* So, did I over-do it too much? The emotions and stuff. Were they in character? Maybe it was just me, but I kind of kept thinking Sirius was too calm. Just a reminder: OotP NEVER, EVER happens here. As soon as I'm done with Dwelling and Blame, I will go into deep denial and go back to thinking J.K. hasn't released the fifth book and keep waiting for it. 

Remember this chapter was written on a Coca-Cola induced sugar high. I couldn't even see my hands as I typed. ^_^ Which may have cause more typos that usual, which means there will be more that I didn't catch when I proofread this. Ah... well. Just a little reminder about **Marauder Mayhem** We are a guild on neopets.com under the account sailor_melody dedicated to the Marauders. Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. 


	3. Chapter 3

What Could Have Been 

What Could Have Been 

By: Sailoranime 

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**_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters._**

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" Fine. It's your choice, Sirius." Remus finally answered. Sirius sighed buried his face in his hands. 

" If you are going to talk to Fudge, then I recommend we go now." Dumbledore said softly. Sirius stood up and followed him out. Harry wanted to jump up and tell him not to go, but strangely enough, he was embarassed that Black seemed to care about him. And he really didn't want to make him feel awkward. Plus Harry was sure Dumbledore wouldn't let anything happen to him. 

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Despite having been away from the school for so many years, the path to the Headmaster's office was forever burned into Sirius's memory. Dumbledore was walking quietly, looking as if he was battling with himself. Sirius almost jumped when he finally spoke. 

" Sirius, there's something you need to know about Harry." Sirius stopped and whirled around to face Dumbledore. 

" Is there something wrong with him?" Dumbledore shook his head. 

" No. Not really," Dumbledore began. Sirius looked relieved. " Harry has had a very difficult childhood. He's never had a real family. His relatives don't show him affection, they view him as something of an inconvenience." 

" So why is he still living with them?" 

" Because it is safest for him there. Voldemort... he had many supporters. Many of them were never caught. If I chose to place Harry with a wizarding family, I'd have to be sure that they were truly on our side. If one of the Order had turned on us... many others outside of it could have too. Perhaps choosing his only living relatives was not the best thing in the world to do, but that's what happened. I don't know if you noticed... but did it strike you as odd that Harry got attached to you so quickly?" 

"He's not really attached to me." 

" I can assure you that he is, Sirius." Dumbledore said firmly. " There is something that worries me about that. Harry is very intelligent and has a good sense of right and wrong, but he has one weakness. Harry is bound to get attached to anyone who shows the slightest bit of affection for him. Perhaps I am reading into it too much, but I believe years of living with people who he thinks don't love him has affected him a great deal. He is starved for affection. If the wrong person were to come along and exploit this weakness... I think you understand what I'm trying to say." 

Sirius nodded. 

" Good. If you plan to take Harry to live with you once you are cleared, then you must know all of this. He is not a normal boy, but he longs for a normal family in a normal home." 

" I don't see how that can be too much of a problem, and I can't really see how it can be fixed, but you know I'll do my best to fulfill my responsibilities." Sirius answered rather stiffly. 

" I'm not quite sure you understand, Sirius. If Harry thinks you are offering a home because you have to and not because you want to, he won't accept. He'll feel like a burden. And he will be hurt because he'll think you never really cared for him at all." 

Sirius took a deep breath. " You know what I want most is to start over again and have Harry live with me." Dumbledore smiled. 

" Good. I was just making sure _you_ knew." 

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Short chappie, I know. I've been wanting to write that down for a while now. It has taken me too long to update my stories because of school. I wanted to put in that little exchange because I thought it was... you know, vital. Other than that little scene, though, this story will be written more like the books where we only see things Harry sees. Oh, well... insert the usual pleas for reviews here. ^_^ 

Just a little reminder about **Marauder Mayhem** We are a guild on neopets.com under the account sailor_melody dedicated to the Marauders. Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. Come join now. ^_^ OR just drop me a neomail sometime if you feel like chatting. ^_^ 


	4. Chapter 4

What Could Have Been  
  
By: Sailoranime  
  
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Dislcaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the chracters in the Harry Potter universe. This is fanfiction, meaning that *I* wrote it using JK's chracters and my own plot. And the plot thing is somewhat doubtful, since there are hundreds of AU stories out there, and one of them is bound to have done the same thing.  
  
AN: I hate this. Well, I don't, really. I hate commitment, and I guess that's why I went on my break. Well, I'm trying to make my chapters longer, because most of my other stories have tiny little chapters. I'm setting a 25 kb minimum. Let's see if I go through with it.  
  
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Sirius looked at the Headmaster oddly. This was the man he was trusting to save his life? He shrugged mentally and looked at the gargoyle guarding Dumbledore's office with distaste.   
  
"Long time since I'd seen you, old friend," he muttered sarcastically. Dumbledore stepped forward and the gargoyle allowed them to pass. Sirius felt rather odd when going up the stairs. He felt like he was re-living his 5th year when Lily had magically shaved Snape's head and blamed it on him. He'd been sent to Dumbledore's office after an argument with McGonagall about who had done it. McGonagall was unwilling to believe her perfect little Lily had done it, and Sirius had been punished. Lily had always had some evil in her, Sirius realized.  
  
He had gotten her back, of course, later that week. He'd dyed James's hair blue after a particularly embarassing scene involving James declaring his undying love for Lily and humiliating her in the process. McGonagall had grudgingly punished her. It wasn't until Dumbledore cleared his throat that Sirius was snapped back to reality.   
  
It was an odd experience for Sirius. He'd been out of Azkaban for a while, but happy memories seemed to come over him every once in a while. Things that he hadn't remembered suddenly became very obvious. And the hope that he might be cleared seemed to have triggered a wave of happy thoughts. Memories of mischief-making with James were suddenly as clear as if they had happened only the day before.  
  
Dumbledore looked at Sirius, in an odd manner. It took him a second to realize that there was something very much like excitement in the way he was acting.   
  
"I'll go in first, and then you come in, alright, Sirius?" Sirius nodded, not really being in a position to complain. Dumbledore opened the door and walked in. He could hear Fudge's voice, but it was slightly muffled.  
  
"Where is he, Dumbledore?" he sounded as if he was trying to be intimidating, but the panic in his voice gave him away. Sirius smirked. Fudge seemed to believe he was going to jump out of a dark corner or something. He smiled, happy that he was able to cause terror in people, whether he was a mass mudered or not. As quickly as the thought came, Sirius pushed it out of his mind. He could already feel the air getting cold as the Dementors neared the door.  
  
"Get back! Back!" Fudge yelled. The cold lasted for a few more seconds before they finally obeyed his order. Sirius would have smiled, except his happiness might bring back the dementors. And Fudge might not be able to control them a second time. He had heard that the Dementors were all royally pissed at his escape. He prayed that they would swoop down on him as he came in. They sensed his thoughts and recognized him, but they were staying put. Sirius knew it wasn't because of Fudge.  
  
"I have Sirius Black waiting to speak to you outside, Cornelius."  
  
"Ah... yes, wonderful," Fudge's voice was slightly shaky, and he seemed to be gathering courage for something. Sirius felt awfully flattered. "Well, Dumbledore, I thank you. If an injustice has been done, it must be righted, after all."   
  
'What a load of crap.' though Sirius bitterly. Fudge was still talking.  
  
"So... Dumbledore. I hope you understand that you cannot be here. Official Ministry business..." Fudge made the last sentence a question more than anything. The fool knew Dumbledore would not allow it, but he seemed to be trying to save face. Sirius scowled. Fudge was trying to get rid of Dumbledore so he could order the Dementors to kiss him, and later claim they had gotten out of hand. What a coward.  
  
"I'm sorry, but he has asked me to sit in on this. No one is saying you cannot manage the Dementors, Cornelius. Don't take it the wrong way, but anyone would feel better with two wizard in the room instead of one. and let's not forget that I am very much involved with the Ministry. Shall I bring him in, then?"  
  
Fudge's repky was very much like a whimper. Dumbledore must have taken it as a yes, because he opened the door and allowed Sirius in. The dememntors rushed forward, but stopped when Dumbledore raised his wand warningly. Fudge looked at Sirius with disgust, but Sirius ignored him. Dumbledore motioned for him to sit down across from Fudge.  
  
"Black." Fudge acknowledged coldly, his voice still shaking slightly.  
  
"Minister." Sirius answered curtly.   
  
There was a long silence before Fudge seemed to think he had taken control of the situation again.   
  
'The fool doesn't know he never had it.' Sirius thought bitterly.  
  
"Well, Black. You are acccused of betraying Lily and James Potter by handing them over to You-know-Who. You are also accused of killing 12 muggles and a wizard. What do you have to say for yourself?"  
  
" I wish I'd killed *you* first." Sirius snapped.  
  
"Sirius!" Dumbledore exclaimed, taken by surprise for once. Sirius shrugged and shifted to a more comfortable position in his chair. Fudge's face was ghostly white and he was opening and closing his mouth as if he was trying to say something. He reminded Sirius very much a fish. He had to pinch himself to push the happy thought out of his mind. He knew snapping at Fudge hadn't been the smrtest ting to do, but he was past caring at that point.  
  
Dumbledore frowned. "Sirius Black, please keep a civil tongue."  
  
'My tongue is civilized, it's not my fault Fudge isn't.' He once again felt like laughing, but he managed to keep himself out of control. Maybe the fact that there were two Dementors in the room, and that they couldn't touch him was going to his head. He could see them getting slightly excited whenever he had a happy thought. He must have been subconsciously baiting them.  
  
Sirius nodded and Fudge seemed to have calmed down considerably.   
  
"Right... well, Sirius Black. You claim you are not guilty of these charges, right?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well, then, can you tell me what happened?"  
  
"I was kidnapped by Death Eaters and had my hair ripped out so someone could take a polyjuice potion and kill the people. Once the person who passed off as me was in Azkaban, Voldemort" Fudge flinched, "himself flew me over Azkaban in a plane and switched us." Fudge stared at him stupidly.  
  
" But he..." it took him a second before he realized Sirius was lying to him. He blushed in both anger and embarassment. "Mr. Black, if you wish to be kissed by the dementors, just say so. Otherwise, tell me the truth and stop playing these childish games."  
  
Dumbledore nodded. "Please, Sirius. This is very important. I don't think you want to be toying with the Minister." Sirius's eyes widened. The old man was amused. He was, indeed, an odd man. Dumbledore conjured a glass of water.  
  
"The veritaserum, if you would, Cornelius." Fudge handed a vial to Dumbledore and he poured it all in.   
  
"For maximum effect." he said to himself. He handed it to Sirius, and Sirius was forced to drink it down quickly.  
  
" I'm sorry, Minister." he gave a quick nod to Fudge, "Headmaster," another quick nod, this time to Dumbledore. "I do believe I'm not in the best of moods... The truth, Minster, you already know. I was not the Potters's secret keeper. It was, in fact, Peter Pettigrew that was given that responsibility."  
  
"Do you think I am a fool, Black? Peter Pettigrew! That's probably the last person who would go over to the dark side! He was a sweet boy, and loyal as a puppy. And everyone knows the Potters trusted you more than anyone else! It's only logical that they would pick you."  
  
"And that was exactly the reason they chose Peter, that rat. I convinced them to switch. I used to think the same way as you, Minister." Sirius muttered bitterly. " I thought pathetic little Peter would never betray us."  
  
" So you went after him and killed him, along with twelve muggles, instead of letting the Ministry hadle it?"  
  
Sirius laughed bitterly. "The Ministry! You have Death Eaters right under your noses, and you don't realize it. You have them working for you, and you have them in prominent wealthy families donating money to you so you'll look the other way." Fudge looked like he was about to explode with indignation. "And who would have believed me? Everyone would think it was me... Besides, it's not like I got to kill him."  
  
"Didn't get to... What do you call that explosion? The only bit they found of him was finger-"  
  
"-that he chopped off himself!"  
  
"There was no way he could have escaped! There were witnesses, Black!"  
  
"They didn't see what really happened. Pettigrew was an illegal animagus. He could turn into a rat. That's how he escaped."  
  
"But you still killed twelve muggles!"  
  
" I didn't do it. Peter did it with his wand behind his back."  
  
"A brilliant story, Black, but there is no proof!" Fudge bellowed. Sirius threw his head back and laughed.   
  
"No proof? What do you call the corpse with the missing finger?"  
  
"It could be anyone-"  
  
"-But you know it's Pettigrew. My story checks out, but you don't want to admit it because it would mean you were wrong. I drank Veritaserum! You've seen wormtail's body! How hard is it to believe that I've been telling the truth?"  
  
" I- but- Well, where was Pettigrew all this time?"  
  
"Hiding. You can ask the Weasley children. One of them was keeping him as a rat. Harry and his friends saw us forcing him out of his animagus form back in the Shrieking Shack."  
  
"Well, than what happened? How did Pettigrew die?"  
  
Sirius did not speak for a second. He would get Remus in trouble if he did... But he couldn't lie. Not because it might hurt his case, but because he was under Veritaserum. Had the circumstances been different, he could have lied or taken responsibility... He sighed heavily. Maybe he could lie if he tried realy hard...  
  
"Remus killed him."  
  
Damn. It hadn't worked. He'd meant to say something different. So that was how Veritaserum worked...  
  
"Remus... Remus Lupin? The werewolf?" Fudge answered, shocked. It seemed the old windbag liked Lupin after all. Who knew?  
  
Fudge turned to Dumbledore.  
  
" Did he bite Pettigrew?" Dumbledore shook his head.   
  
"No... he was killed before Remus's transformation. I do believe he was going to attack Harry, and the only way Professor Lupin could defend his student was by killing him. He must have formed a shield around himself that blocked the other curses..."  
  
Sirius's jaw almost dropped. Dumbledore was lying for Lupin. He knew exactly what had happened, and he was covering it up.   
  
Fudge nodded. "Yes... protecting Harry Potter. Of course." Fudge was very obviously flustered. He looked at Sirius with something very much like resentment.  
  
" Due to new evidence... what I mean is... We'll have your trial at the end of July."   
  
" July? I don't want to go back to Azakaban."   
  
" You don't really have a choice, Mr. Black-"  
  
"I think he's quite right, Cornelius. All evidence points to him being innocent. I suggest you let him go free under certain conditions."  
  
" But Dumbledore-"  
  
"Cornelius, it's only fair. Azkaban is a horrible place. No one that is innocent should be forced to be there. Sirius will not run. He has no reason to, as he is innocent."  
  
Fudge looked at Sirius, his expression one of defeat.  
  
" Alright. I'll allow it. But he will not be given his wand unless he is cleared of all charges. If he should buy a new wand, he is to inform the Ministry. And he is to report to the Ministry once a week!"  
  
Dumbledore nodded solemnly. "Agreed." Fudge turned to leave, but Sirius spoke.  
  
"When do I get custody of my godson?" Fudge stopped.   
  
"Custody...? Custody of Harry Potter?" his face was full of indignation. "I will not allow it! He means a great deal to the wizarding community! If anything were t happen to him-"  
  
"That's why I want custody. I don't want anything to happen to him. I'm his godfather, and if Harry wants to live with me-"  
  
"And what makes you think he'll want to live with you, Black?" Fudge looked at Sirius in something that was oddly like sympathy. "Harry Potter has a family. And I'm sure they love him... in some sense. I doubt he's willing to believe your story so easily, Black. and I very much doubt he'll agree to live with you."  
  
Sirius looked down, unable to meet Fudge's eyes. "If he should agree... somehow?" Fudge frowned.  
  
"Then we can look into it and contact his current guardians. But that won't be arranged until, or rather if, you're cleared."  
  
  
  
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Ah... what can I say? Well, first of all, I'm off of my break. Yep. And second of all, um... ah, I give up. There is no second one. I was trying to make Fudge less hate-able. Did it work? I don't think I want him messing with the main story line until later if ever. I was also trying to put in some humor into the chapter, but that was only in the beginning. In most stories, Sirius tells the truth straight out and everything, but I figured it'd be cool if he messed with Fudge's head first.   
  
I broke my promise. Less than 25 kb. Well, it's still 15kb, longer than any chapter so far in this story. I'm getting better! Besides, my longest chapter ever is a mere 23kb. Maybe next chapter. I've been horrible about updating, especially this. I think it's been like 3 months since I last posted for this. Well, I have plot bunnies in my head. And they're reproducing. I'm going to add one more chapter story, but I need to decide which one. Okay, first on the list is 'Giving In.' It's a story I wrote. It's a one-shot now, but I might continue it. You can read the 'pilot' if you go to my profile and click on the link. Basically, Voldemort offers Harry something he can't resist. He makes him choose between leaving life as it is, or reviving his parents and Sirius. The only condition is that he has to stay out of his way. Please review if you like it.  
  
On the other hand, there's another idea I got about a couple of days ago. Harry is a normal 5 year old living with his godfather Matt. But what would happen if an escaped convict by the name of Sirius Black showed up claiming to be his real godfather? Lots of Harry/Sirius bonding with Death Eater conspiracies and a whole wizarding world that believes Harry to be dead. Goodie. Well, if you would be kind enough to let me know in your review (Because I know you wouldn't leave without reviewing!) which one you like best? I like them both, and if I don't get more opinions, I might end up writing both. 


	5. Chapter 5

* 

What Could Have Been 

By: Sailoranime 

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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters. I think it is very obvious that I'm not JK Rowling, but it seems very important that I write a disclaimer to protect myself from that lawsuit happy author. 

AN: Wow, it's been a while, hasn't it? December 29, 2003 was the last time I update this. Almost three weeks, but still not as bad as last time, when it had been 3 months ^_^. Well, here we go. Another chapter. I'm working on this and on my latest AU fic at the same time, so you can expect longer chapters than usual. ^_^ 

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Sirius and Dumbledore walked back to the hospital wing in silence. Sirius wanted to ask Dumbledore why he had lied about Pettigrew's death, but the special quality of the Headmaster's silence let him know that he should wait until a later time. 

Dumbledore was walking quickly, almost as if he was worried about something. In a few minutes they had reached the corridor that led to the hospital wing. Dumbledore inhaled sharply as Fudge walked out of the infirmary with Lupin. 

"Dumbledore just told me what happened, Lupin. Imagine Pettigrew attacking Harry Potter! Glad you were there. At least there was _one_ trustworthy adult there. A good thing that you arrived in time to stop Pettigrew..." 

Lupin looked slightly confused, and Sirius suddenly realized why Dumbledore was in such a hurry. 

"Cornelius!" Dumbledore called out before Remus could answer. Fudge turned around and looked at Dumbledore. 

"What is it now, Dumbledore?" 

"I wanted to discuss a couple of things with you. Do you think you can join me for a cup of tea in my office? I believe we can leave Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin to Madame Pomfrey, I expect they need to be looked over after last night's events." 

Fudge nodded, looking slightly exasperated. "Of course, Dumbledore." 

They both headed back towards Dumbledore's office, and Sirius ushered Remus back into the infirmary. Sirius walked over to the beds, making sure that the three kids were asleep before moving Remus towards the opposite end of the room. Once they were both sitting down, Remus finally allowed himself to speak. 

"What happened?" 

Sirius sighed and leaned back into the comfort of the chair. 

"They're going to have my trial sometime in July." 

"They're not taking you back to Azkaban though, are they?" 

Sirius shook his head. "No, but I'm not sure what's going to happen until then. I assume Fudge will order me to stay at Hogwarts, which I have no problem with," he glanced at Harry's bed, "and he is making me check in with the ministry on a weekly basis or something like that. And I'm not allowed a wand, I don't think. He said I had to inform the Ministry if I got a new one, but they would probably take it away as soon as I told them. And I couldn't keep it a secret because I'd be in trouble if they found out, and it would definitely affect my case." 

Remus nodded in understanding. "You won't really need one, anyway." 

"I'm going to be living in the same place as Snape and you expect me to go around without a wand? I always thought you were loony, but that's just plain mad." 

"You're still under the influence of the Veritaserum, aren't you?" 

Sirius nodded. "I guess. I have a sudden unexplainable urge to be truthful, you know?" 

Remus nodded. "They made me drink it after...you know." there was silence for a few minutes before Lupin spoke again. "What did he say about Harry?" 

Sirius winced. He looked away, unable to meet Remus's eyes. "I don't think Fudge will even consider it. And he's right. Harry's not going to forgive me that easily. Besides, I doubt he'd want to go live with me anyways." 

Remus covered his face with his hands and groaned in frustation. "How thick _can_ you be, Sirius? We went over this already! Who do you believe? Me and Dumbledore, or Fudge?" 

Sirius sighed and glanced at Harry once again. "I know you keep telling me Harry doesn't like the muggles he lives with, but what Fudge said... he's right. He's Harry Potter, and the whole wizarding community thinks I'm a mass murderer. There's no way they'll let him live with me." 

Remus shook his head. "It's not really up to them. If Harry wants to go live with you, the Ministry can't really stop him. They will eventually have to face it and give in." 

Sirius shrugged. "I guess. It's not like his relatives would fight for custody of him, right?" 

Remus shook his head. "I expect they would be thrilled. They would probably pack his things for him and drive him wherever he needed to go." 

Sirius didn't answer. He closed his eyes and began to fall asleep. Remus was about to suggest that he go lie down on one of the beds, when Sirius's eyes snapped open. 

"Dumbledore." 

"What about Dumbledore?" Remus asked absent-mindedly, looking towards Madame Pomfrey's office. He was about to get up to go call her when Sirius spoke again. 

"Fudge asked about Wormtail." Remus froze. He turned towards Sirius slowly, eyes wide. 

"What? How come they haven't carted me off to Azkaban?" 

Sirius looked around, checking for any sign of intruders. "He asked me, but I was already under Veritaserum. I was going to say I had done it, but..." he trailed off and looked at Remus apologetically. Remus nodded. 

"I have to face the consequences. I didn't think... Just don't worry about it." Remus answered wearily. Sirius shook his head. 

"No... I tried to lie, but it came out wrong... I don't know. But Dumbledore answered before I could cause anymore damage. He told Fudge that Peter attacked Harry, you know everyone has a soft spot for him, and that you had to kill him to stop him. He said something about Peter using one of the wands to cast a shield around himself. As long as Harry and his friends don't say anything, the story should hold. Peter could have grabbed the wand in all the confusion... and Snape wasn't conscious at the time, so he can't tell what really happened." 

Remus looked at Sirius, shocked. "Is that what Fudge was talking about? When you guys got here, he was telling me something about the Order of Merlin, Third Class. Now it makes perfect sense." 

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I suppose it would have been First class if you hadn't killed Pettigrew." 

"That's the thing... I thought Dumbledore might have told him something like what you said, but I wasn't sure _why_ he wanted to give me the Order of Merlin. You know I can't take it, right?" 

It seemed to be Sirius's turn to be shocked. "Are you out of your mind? You deserve it!" 

"Sirius! I killed a man!" 

"It was only Wormtail. I doubt he can be considered a man." 

"Despite what he did... well... he was still human, Sirius." 

"Hardly." Sirius answered with a derisive snort. "Besides, don't you realize how much it would help you? You're a werewolf. You can hardly get a job, but with an Order of Merlin... You _do_ deserve it, even if not for what happened last night." 

"I would never live with myself if I accepted it... I'll have to turn it down." 

"Is there such a things as turning it down? Are you allowed, I mean. I don't think anyone's ever been mad enough to try." 

Remus sighed. "I don't know, Sirius. But it would be a lie... Let's not get ahead of ourselves. The truth might still come out." 

Sirius shrugged. "Let's hope it doesn't. You should really get some sleep, you know? Get some rest and have Madame Pomfrey nurse you back to health." 

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Let her nurse _me_ back to health? How about you? You look half-dead." 

"Just half? I assure you I feel worse than I look, then." 

"Is that even possible?" 

"Sure feels like it." 

Remus was saved the trouble of answering by Madame Pomfrey. She looked Sirius over in a disapproving manner. 

"Why aren't you in bed, Mr. Black?You look half-dead! And you, Lupin! You need rest, you've both had a rough night." 

"More like thirteen years for me." Sirius muttered. Madame Pomfrey looked him over, taking in his filthy face and robes. 

"You will need a shower first." she said bluntly. Sirius raised and eyebrow, thinking that would have been amusing under different circumstances. "Use the staff bathroom. The password is 'sparkling clean'. It's hidden-" 

"I know where it is, we used it a couple of times in our school days." Sirius answered, ignoring her disapproving look. 

"Well, alright. I'll have some clean robes taken to you, and then you can come back here so I can look you over." 

Sirius nodded. Feeling like he was back in his sixth year when he'd broken his leg on a trip to the Forbidden Forest, Sirius walked out of the infirmary towards the teacher's bathroom. 

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Sirius looked at himself in the mirror, shocked. He had finally gotten a proper bath and clean robes after thirteen years of hell. His hair was still long and he was still deathly skinny, buthe knew Madame Pomfrey would take care of that. 

When he had gotten out of the bath, he'd found the robes and a brush on the counter in front of the mirror, probably delivered by a house elf. Knowing that Madame Pomfrey would come get him herself if he didn't hurry up, he folded the wet towels and put them on the counter where the house elves could find them. 

The trip back to the infirmary was quick, but cold. The usually drafty castle seemed colder than usual after his warm bath. He opened the door to the informary, knowing what to expect. 

Sure enough, Harry and his friends were still sleeping, and Remus was on the second to last bed on the other end of the room. He was sitting there, looking almost sulky. 

"Really, I _don't_ need to be here. I'm a grown man-" 

"Age doesn't make wounds heal faster. You had a rought night- Ah, Mr. Black. Over here, come on, now." 

Sirius walked towards her, knowing there was no use in arguing. She immediately forced him into the last bed, the one furthest from Harry, which meant he couldn't even see him anymore. Why had they built the infirmary so large and with so many beds? 

She gave a small clap, and a house elf appeared by Sirius's bed with a tray full of food. Madame Pomfrey took it from the elf, handed it to Sirius, and ordered him to eat. The house elf disappeared with a pop and came back less than a minute later with another plate for Lupin. Sirius ate slowly, knowing it wasn't good to stuff himself after having lived on practically nothing for thirteen years. Remus, however, was looking quite comfortable. Sirius gave up on his food when he had eaten only half of it. Wanting to see what his friend was doing, he turned around, setting his tray down on the bedside table as he did so. 

Remus was sitting up, idly fingering his wand and looking at it as if he'd never seen anything quite like it before. 

"You're not brooding again, are you?" he asked softly. Remus's head snapped up. 

"Excuse me?" 

"I asked if you're brooding again." 

Remus shrugged. "You call it brooding, I call it contemplating that I just killed one of my best friends in front of my other best friend's son." 

"What are you talking about? You didn't kill me." 

Remus looked confused for a second before he understood what Sirius was saying. "I meant Peter." 

"Peter wasn't your best friend. He stopped being our friend when he joined Voldemort." 

Remus didn't answer. Sirius was about to take another stab at making conversation when Remus spoke again. 

"It took him a while to trust me, I think." 

"Harry? No, he probably trusted you since the beginning. You're a trustworthy person." 

"That's hardly true, Sirius. Weren't you there last night when I pointed a wand at a man and killed him right in front of three innocent kids?" 

Sirius groaned in exasperation. "And you say _I'm_ pig-headed! When are you going to let it go? Listen," he said, looking very threatening despite the fact that he was laying down on a bed, "He deserved it. You know that. Harry..." he trailed off, suddenly unsure of what he was supposed to say. 

"Who are we to decide if he deserved it or not?" Remus aked quietly. Sirius threw himself against his cushioned headboard. 

"We're not really deciding, Remus. We already know it. Just think about it. Wormtail could have escaped. Last night... there was the full moon and you hadn't taken your potion, and the dementors... who knows what would have happened. Going back in time and doing things differently wouldn't be fixing it, it would be messing it up." 

Remus could not think of an answer to that, and was saved the trouble of trying when Madame Pomfrey came out of ther office with dreamless sleep potions and a few other odd substances. 

She forced about five of them down Sirius's throat until he finally look the rest of them willingly. After making sure he had swallowed and not spit them out on a nearby plant, she handed each of them some dreamless sleep potion. Sirius took his first and then settled down into a comfortable position. 

"Just don't waste your time thinking about that, Remus." 

Remus, mouth full of dreamless potion, did not answer. 

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Okay! Done! After two days! I'm kind of hyper at the moment because I was having a very... uh..._interesting_ conversation with one of my friends, and later realized he was being too loud when I noticed an entire room full of strangers had overheard our conversation, so... Well, you know the drill. Please review and join my guild. Dedicated to the Marauders, of course. For more info, visit... 

Well, that's all. 


	6. Chapter 6

* 

What Could Have Been 

By: Sailoranime 

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Disclaimer: See the disclaimers for the last five chapters. 

AN: Inspiration struck. I quite feel I shouldn't be writing author notes. It seems after almost three years of writing fanfiction, I've run out of things to say. 

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Sirius wasn't quite sure what time it was when he woke up, but judging from the sunlight streaming in through the windows, he though it must have been around mid-day. Had he been asleep for almost a whole day? He sat up straight, not paying attention to how sore he was. Why in god's name was he sore? 

He looked over to the bed where Remus had lain, to find it empty. All the other beds where empty too, except for the one holding the red-headed boy whose leg he had broken only days before. His musings were interrupted by someone clearing her throat. He looked up to find the nurse standing by the curtains. That's what had woken him up, the noise from the curtains. 

"About time you woke up. Normally I'd encourage resting, but you've been asleep a while, and you need to take a few potions." 

Sirius nodded, not sure he could have spoken even if he had tried. She walked quickly to her office and came back with a tray of food and some water. She set the tray down on his lap, and Sirius was forced to eat. He was hungry, certainly, but he felt reluctant to eat. He raised the spoon to his mouth slowly, eyeing the soup withs something like distaste. His hopes of just pretending to eat until she left were dashed as he realized she was going to stay until he fiinished or, at the very least, ate a decent amount. 

He took a few spoonfuls of the soup and a few chunks of bread. The food had tasted much better than he had expected, and it was easier to eat once he had started. He turned to the nurse, dunking a piece of bread into the soup in hopes of softening it. 

"Where's Remus?" 

"Left last night. I _told_ him to get more rest, but he said he needed to talk to Dumbledore." she interpreted Sirius's expression correctly, because she pursed her lips. "Don't you think about getting up! We have a long way to go before you can even get out of here for anything other than showers." 

Sirius took another piece of bread and looked at it thoughtfully. "When am I due for my next bath, then?" 

"Don't even think about it! I will stand guard outside the bathroom myself, I assure you, if you decide to take a little detour." 

Sirius scowled, and took a bite out of his bread. She sat in the chair next to his bed, her expression suggesting he finish his food. 

He wasn't able to eat the whole thing, however, but he managed to eat more than the day before. The only thing that he managed to finish was the water. He drank it quickly, and Madame Pomfrey instantly poured him out some more, looking at him approvingly for the first time. 

She took the tray away after he had eaten as much as his stomach would allow. He'd been afraid she would try to spoon-feed him, but she hadn't. She then strode to her office and came back holding several potions. She handed him two, and he drank them down, absently remembering something about Snape being the potions master. She handed him another one that tasted slightly better than the previous two. 

"What are those for?" he asked after the fourth potion. She sighed and handed him a fifth bottle. 

"The first four are for the malnutrition," she handed him a sixth and seventh bottle. "The next three are vitamins. These two," she handed him a couple more, "are to cleanse your system and to get you back to normal." 

Sirius drank the potions, hoping Snape had not brewed them especially for him. There were still three potions left on the small table. He picked up the smallest one and drank it in one gulp. "And these?" 

One is the dreamless sleep potion, the other is to prevent certain side effects two of the other potions have when taken together." 

"What about the one I just took?" he asked, a small frown on his face. 

She glanced at him, but did not meet his eyes. His idea that she had merely given it to him to make it a round dozen disappeared, and was replaced with suspicions. He was quite sure the potion was too keep him mentally stable or something of the sort. He drank the second to last bottle slowly, not really eager to go back to sleep. After finishing it, he picked up the dreamlees sleep potion and swirled it around in the bottle for a bit. 

Resigning himself to more sleep, he raised to his lips to drink it, but was interrupted by a small shriek. "I had forgotten! Wait here." Madame Pomfrey walked back to her office and came back with a bit of parchment. He closed the curtains around his bed again, and handed his the letter. 

"This arrived earlier today. It's for you. Drink your potion after you read it." Sirius nodded. Madame Pomfrey looked him over, fluffed up his pillow and tucked the blankets around him so tightly he was quite sure he wouldn't be able to move. She looked him up and down again and shook her head, muttering something under her breath as she moved the curtains aside to step outside. 

Sirius was pleasantly surprised to see that the letter wasn't from the ministry as he'd expected, but from Harry. He slowly unfolded it, his stomach gave a lurch as he realized even Harry's writing was a little like James'. 'Sirius Black' was written neatly and carefully at the top. 

_'I heard Professor Lupin didn't show up to teach his class, so Hermione was wondering if he's alright. She said Madame Pomfrey isn't letting anyone into the hospital wing. We just got released this morning, but she wouldn't tell us anything. McGonagall told us we could miss class today, but she wouldn't let me go see Dumbledore. She assured me that you were still alive and unsoul-less, though, so I assume the thing with Fudge went okay. It did, didn't it? They're not just waiting a while to suck your soul, are they? _

I'm going to give this to Hedwig to deliver, so I hope Madame Pomfrey won't kill me. I don't think she's fond of having animals in the hospital wing. I'd try to deliver it myself, but I know it's no use. I have to visit Hagrid, anyway. The ministry executed one of his hippogriffs yesterday. He's probably feeling very down. Hope you're okay and Madame Pomfrey isn't keeping you asleep 24/7. She tries to do that to me alot.' 

Sirius read over the last part of the first paragraph, feeling as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. At the same time, he felt guilty. He'd been reading between the lines, considering Harry's choice of wording. 

_'I heard Professor Lupin didn't show up to teach his class, so Hermione was wondering if he's alright.'_ That line alone spoke volumes to him. He didn't know Harry very well, but his meaning was too clear. He didn't particularly care what happened to him. Sirius knew it was just a phase. Harry had been shocked at Remus's actions, he was angry. Sirius just hoped he could talk to Harry before Remus did. He'd have to be careful, though, because Harry might turn on him too if he acted like he was on Remus's side. 

_'Hope you're okay and Madame Pomfrey isn't keeping you asleep 24/7. She tries to do that alot.' _ He almost felt guilty reading that line. It seemed pretty clear what Harry was doing. Whenever he wrote anything that revealed his emotions in the least, a change of subject would immediately follow. He tried to straighten up to call Madame Pomfrey, but noticed some parchment and a quill on the table at the last minute. He grinned, unsurprised at how prepared she seemed to be. He cleared his dishes off the food tray and used it as a table so he could write on the parchment neatly. 

It was only after writing the first sentence or so that he realized it would probably be easier to write if he used the side of the tray that had no fancy patterns and carvings. He turned it around and kept writing. Halfway through the letter, he heard Madame Pomfrey calling from her office. 

"After you're done, just set it on the table and I'll send it back with the owl." 

The letter, considering its length, took a long time to write. He'd been working on it for more than an hour when he finally re-read it and rolled it up, satisfied. He set it down on the table as she had intructed him, and then got himself comfortable. With one last look at the letter, he drank the dreamless sleep potion and drifted off to sleep. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Harry chased his bread around his plate with his fork, no longer hungry. Hermione was sitting in front of him, reading the daily prophet and eating at the same time. She gave a small gasp and dropped her spoon. 

"What is it?" Harry asked curiously. Hermione folded the newspaper and handed it to Harry, pointing at a small paragraph in the middle of the page. 

**New Developsments in Sirius Black Case**

_The press was shocked yesterday when the Minister of Magic announced that the search for Sirius Black had been ended. He claims that Black is no longer considered a priority. He refuses to answer any questions about it for the time being, but assures the public that more information will be released at a later date. His claims that Sirius Black is no longer on the loose have started rumors that the ministry has already caught him, but are keeping it a secret._

Harry stared at Hermione. "They can't have him, can they? McGonagall said-" 

"Don't worry, Harry." Hermione answered, shaking her head. "Sirius is probably fine. What would be the point of searching for Sirius if they already know where he is?" 

"I don't know," began Harry, "what if they took him back to Azkaban instead of giving him the kiss?" 

"McGonagall said he was fine, and I doubt she lied to us, Harry. Besides, you already sent him a letter. Hedwig would have come back with your letter by now if she hadn't found Sirius. It's been more than five hours." 

"What if she did? We haven't been in the common room all day, and I sent that letter after breakfast. Besides," Harry continued, "If we sneak into the hospital wing with the invisibility cloak we can find out what happened _and_ check on Ron." 

"Don't you think we should check if Hedwig's back first?" 

Harry sighed. "Fine. We'll check first." 

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I'm sure he's fine. We won't be able to visit Hagrid, though, you know?" 

Harry frowned. "We can visit him tomorrow. I mean, I know what happened to Buckbeak is horrible, but this is really important. We could have gone earlier like we planned if McGonagall hadn't caught us and told us to go back to Gryffindor Tower." 

Hermions sighed. "Fine, come on." She stood up and stuck the newspaper in her ever-present bookbag. They made their way to Gryffindor tower. 

"I know you're worried, Harry, but I think you're over-reacting." 

Harry did not answer, so Hermione kept talking. "I'm worried... Well, Harry, don't take this the wrong way, but you're getting your hopes up." 

Harry stoped and turned to face her. "What do you mean?" 

"Well, I know it's unfair, but don't you think it's dangerous for you to be too attached to Sirius? Assuming Fudge agreed to give him a trial, there's still the possibility he won't be cleared. If-" Hermion's voice broke slightly, "if they find him guilty..." she trailed off. 

"They can't _not_ clear him." Harry finally answered, walking again. 

"Oh, Harry! That's why I didn't want to say anything! Now you're mad." 

"I'm not mad." he answered, shaking his head, "But I know he'll be cleared. He's got _Dumbledore_ on his side." 

"Dumbledore isn't almighty, Harry. He can only do so much. If they _did_ find Sirius guilty, the _most_ he could probably do would be to help him escape somehow." 

"They _have_ to clear him, Hermione." Harry said stubbornly. "Besides," he added darkly, "they've even got Pettigrew's body to prove it." 

Hermione did not answer, instead she gave the fat lady the password, and they both ran up the stairs to the boys' dormitories. Both Harry and Hermione got a feeling of dread as they saw Hedwig sitting on Harry's bed with a scroll of parchment tied to her leg. Harry took a look at the parchment, and his face lit up. 

"That's not my letter!" he muttered excitedly as he moved towards Hedwig to untie the letter. "I folded mine, this is rolled up!" 

He untied the letter and barely remembered to thank Hedwig before she flew off. 'Harry' was written on the outside, and it looked as if the person had had a hard time time writing it neatly. Hermione cleared her throat and opened her mouth to speak, but Harry interrupted her. 

"Don't be stupid, of course you can read it too." Hermine grinned and sat down next to him on the bed. 

_Harry- _

I'm almost afraid to ask how you are so well acquainted with Madame Pomfrey's method for healing her patients. Yes, she is making me sleep a lot, and I'm taking 12 different potions. Hagrid's hippogriff was killed? Are you sure? I'm certain Remus and I saw one yesterday. It was wandering around in the forest, and it had a rope around it's neck like it had been tied up and had broken free. It was quite a challenge keeping Moony away from it. 

I don't know where Remus is, but he's probably okay. I'm told he left the hospital wing last night to talk to Dumbledore. I'm glad you two are out of here, it's really a bore. I'm really sorry about what happened that night. I should have been with you kids instead of going off with Remus, but my priority was keeping him away from you. I never thought the dementors would show up. 

I'm not quite sure how Madame Pomfrey feels about animals in here, but she hates dirt. She made me take a bath and shave before ushering me into a bed. It's really a shame, because the beard was the only thing that made me look less like a corpse. I'm really sorry I scared you back in the shrieking shack. I was acting stupid. I shouldn't have broken your friend's leg or tried to strangle you, but I knew you wouldn't hear me out unless I got Peter and proved to you that I was telling the truth. 

I wouldn't exactly say the 'thing with Fudge' went well, but it was okay. He had to agree to give me a trial, after all. He hasn't set a date for the trial, though. He said it'll be sometime in July. Don't be mad at Remus, Harry. Pettigrew... it's complicated. We really need to talk, Harry. Maybe Madame Pomfrey will let me out soon. Meanwhile, take care of yourself. 

Harry got up and moved over to the desk, taking out some parchment and a quill. Hermione looked at him nervously. 

"Harry, are you angry? What are you doing?" 

"I'm writing back." 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Okay, nothing to say, really. I'm really worried about my lack of comments. Oh, I saw 'The Mummy' today. You know, now I realize who I based my mental image of Pettigrew on! The 'Beni' guy is a perfect Wormtail. Well, exceot for the non-blonde and skinny thing. Eh, that's all for today. 


	7. Chapter 7

* 

What Could Have Been 

By: Sailoranime 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Disclaimer: See the disclaimers for the first five chapters. 

AN: I had to write this because it was blocking inspiration for TFtWH. I guess I sorta feel like I didn't finish here, so I can't get out Chapter 7 for TFtWH even though it's all planned out. Anyway, enjoy. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Sirius woke with a start as he felt something poke his hand. It didn't hurt, but it was definitely enough to shock him into awareness. He lifted his head slightly to look at where his hand had been. Near the foot of his bed sat a white owl. Harry's owl. It wasn't hard to recognize, after all. He'd seen it before. 

The bird looked at him for a moment before taking off. Sirius was about to protest, when it landed right in front of him, holding out its leg. Sirius sat up and untied the parchment. He took some of his leftover bread from earlier, and set it down in front of the owl. It picked the bread up with its beak and returned to the foot of the bed. 

Sirius unrolled the parchment, wondering how pathetic it was for him to be so eager. He blamed Azkaban, naturally. Much to his disappointment, he saw the letter was quite short. 

_Good to hear that you're okay. Did you really see a hippogriff? We didn't have a chance to visit Hagrid, actually. It can't have been the same one, though. Hagrid would have sent me a note. But then again, I've been keeping Hedwig busy, haven't I? And it's not like Hagrid has his own owl. _

Anyway, I have to go to class tomorrow. I don't think McGonagall is going to let Hermione and I miss one more day. Maybe Madame Pomfrey will let us visit soon. Any idea what's going to happen to you until the trial? Where are you staying? 

-Harry 

Sirius cursed. Harry had completely ignored what he'd said about Remus. In fact, he seemed to be avoiding the whole subject of what had happened in the shrieking shack. He'd have to try harder. A lot harder, it seemed. 

Madame Pomfrey had left some parchment and a quill on the small table next to his bed, so Sirius repeated the process of using his tray as a desk. He scribbled a hasty reply and reread it, trying to see it from Harry's point of view. 

_Dear Harry, _

I'll be staying at Hogwarts until the trial, it seems. I suppose I'll just stay hidden from view in the hospital wing until the end of the term. I guess they'll let me out once the students go home, don't you? 

I did_ see a hippogriff, but who knows if it was the same one? I don't suppose McGonagall will let you miss any more classes. Don't let Snape be too horrible to you, and behave in Remus's class, okay? He's having a hard time right now. _

-Sirius 

Sirius rolled it up, ready to send it, but suddenly stopped. He reread it and cursed. The heading. Why the hell had he written 'dear'? He had no definite idea of how Harry would react to that. The letter was ready to be sent, it even had Harry's name written on the outside. Mentally slapping himself, he copied out the letter on another piece of parchment, changing the offending heading. 

The owl (Hedwig- was it a she?) seemed to sense he was done, because she returned to his side. Sirius held out the two letters. "Which one do I send?" He knew it didn't understand him, but it knew Harry best, right? He sighed and set down the rolled up letter. After dipping the quill in ink, he wrote Harry's name neatly on the front. He set the stuff back on the bedside table and turned back to the owl. It was gone. Sirius gave a very loud 'hey!', and heard the red-headed kid groan something in his sleep that sounded suspiciously like 'Stop it, Fred'. 

Sirius groaned. The owl had gone without taking his letter. Now he'd have to wait for Madame Pomfrey to get up. He took his edited letter, which had been clutched in his hand, and set it on top of the food tray. He looked for the first version of the letter with the intention of throwing it away so Madame Pomfrey wouldn't accidentally send it or do anything of the sort. He searched the bed and the table, but it was gone. His stomach gave an odd sort of lurch. Had the owl taken the letter? 

He got off the bed, wincing as his feet touched the cold floor. He definitely felt better than he had a week ago, though he couldn't quite say if it was because of Madame Pomfrey's treatment or because he knew Harry and Remus didn't hate him. Sirius lifted the blankets off the bed, hoping he'd somehow lost it in there. He was on his knees, looking under the bed, when he heard the sound of someone running in the corridor leading to the hospital wing. With wild thoughts of Fudge sending orders for him to be taken in the dead of night, Sirius decided to stay where he was. 

The door to the hospital wing opened and someone ran in. Realizing Fudge would attempt no such thing right under Dumbledore's nose, he straightened up and made his way to the opening between the curtains. Before he could reach the curtains, they seemed to open of their own accord. Before he could process what was happening, Harry was standing in front of him, his body wrapped in the invisibility cloak, only his head was visible. He was pale, but he looked as if he'd run all the way to the hospital wing. He was grinning nervously. 

"Harry? What are you doing here?" Sirius looked at Harry, confused. Harry's nervous grin disappeared. 

"I...uh... I couldn't sleep. It just seemed like a good idea." Harry answered apologetically. "I'm sorry if I woke you. Filch almost caught me, and-" 

Sirius shook his head, trying to clear it. "I was awake. I was looking for... uh, never mind. Sit down." 

Harry took off the cloak and folded it. "Dumbledore gave it back." 

Sirius nodded, and climbed back in bed. He'd wanted to talk to Harry, and now he had the perfect opportunity to do so. 

"You look better." Harry finally said. Sirius gave him a half grin. 

"That's not saying much, I'm told. I don't want to think about how I must have looked to you in the shrieking shack." 

Harry seemed to think about it for a minute before turning his attention to the window. "Pretty warm tonight." 

Sirius stared. The weather? Harry had come to talk about the _weather_? 

"My dad..." he hesitated for second, "What would he have done?" Harry was still facing the window, but Sirius could tell he was looking at him out of the corner of his eye. 

"I hate to admit it, but James would have done the same thing you did. He wouldn't have wanted us to hurt Wormtail either." 

"That's not what I meant." Harry answered quietly. "I mean, had everything been different... if he hadn't died. If Voldemort had been after one of you and Pettigrew betrayed you, would my dad have tried to kill him?" 

Sirius was stuck. He stared at Harry, shocked. He'd expected normal questions like 'what did my dad do for a living?', not 'would my father have become a killer to avenge you?' What was he supposed to say? Harry was studying him quietly, trying to interpret the emotions going through his face. The kid was too bright for his own good. 

"James..." Sirius sat there for moment, trying to figure out exactly what James would have done, and if he should tell Harry. "If that red-headed boy betrayed your friend, the curly haired girl, what would you do? You're too young to want to kill-" 

"That's not true." Harry muttered, looking away. Sirius mentally smacked himself. _Not_ a good thing to say. 

"What I'm trying to say, is that when someone does that to you... Your father knew the value of a human life. Even Peter's. I'd love to tell you that your father would have spared Peter's life and forgiven him, but that's not what you need to hear. You want to hear the truth, and I can't lie to you. Times were different-" 

"I get it." Harry answered simply. He took the invisibility cloak and wrapped it tightly around himself. 

"There's some blankets at the foot of the bed... I'm not using them, and I know that cloak isn't exactly good for staying warm." 

"I know." Harry lifted his feet and put them on the bed frame. He looked quite odd with only his head and shoes visible. 

"Are you going to talk to Remus tomorrow?" 

"I won't be in his class tomorrow." Harry answered with what Sirius thought must be a shrug. 

"You won't be in his class because you're not gonna go, or because you simply don't have him?" Sirius asked suspiciously. 

"A little bit of both, I think. I have a lot of work to do, so I'm going to try to miss my first two classes, and I've heard he's resigned." 

Sirius practically jumped off the bed. "_Resigned_?" he croaked. Harry nodded. 

"Dean and Seamus were talking about it earlier." 

"He can't have resigned," Sirius began with a frown. "He didn't hurt anyone..." 

Harry did not answer. Sirius lay back against the pillows. "I caused more damage than anyone." 

"You didn't kill anyone." 

Sirius frowned. "If he hadn't done it, _I_ probably would have. I hate to do this to you, Harry, but you wanted to kill me for the same crime Wormtail committed," Harry looked down, "I don't see why you would be so angry at Remus." 

"I'm not mad at him." 

"Well, then, why are you acting like you are?" 

"I'm not. I just... I don't trust him anymore. He never even told me who he really was." 

"Dumbledore told him not to." 

"Why would Dumbledore tell him to keep the truth from me? And even if he did, that shouldn't have mattered. He should have said something anyway. " 

" You produce a damn good Patronus, Harry." Harry's eyebrows shot up inquisitively. "Tell me, who taught you how?" 

Harry did not answer and instead looked down at his now-dangling feet. 

"We were like brothers, your father and us three. I know you've been told this before, but you're very much like James; both in looks and personality. How do you think he felt not being able to tell you anything? I can bet you that after every single one of your meetings he agonized over the fact that he was going against Dumbledore's orders by getting close to you." 

Silence. 

"You're not making too much sense, Harry. You're mad because he should have been an important part of your life and wasn't, but now you're pushing him away?" 

"You were in Azkaban. What's his excuse? He never tried to contact me, and he didn't work at Hogwarts before. Dumbledore couldn't give him orders." 

"You think Dumbledore's power over Remus doesn't reach outside Hogwarts? Remus feels like he owes Dumbledore everything. In any case, the ministry wouldn't have let him." 

"Well, why doesn't he tell me that himself?" 

"Because you haven't given me a chance to," came a soft voice from the shadows. Lupin moved the curtain and stepped into the room completely. 

"I came to say goodbye, Sirius, but I see you're busy. I'll owl you as soon as I can." 

"Wait, where are you going?" Sirius frowned. 

"I'm not sure, really. I'll find a place; I always do." 

"You can't leave. Do you think Dumbledore's going to allow it?" Sirius insisted. 

"He already has; I resigned earlier today. What happened to Severus?" 

"I heard he escaped Madam Pomfrey by threatening her at wandpoint and locked himself in his dungeon." 

Harry seemed to forget himself for a second and grinned. His eyes made contact with Lupin's and the grin slid off his face instantly. "I better go, it's late and I have to get up early to catch up on all my work." 

Sirius nodded. "G'night." 

Harry stood up and wrapped the invisibility cloak around himself. Lupin moved aside to let Harry through, but Sirius noticed he didn't even glance at Lupin as he passed. 

Sirius waited until he heard the door to the hospital wing close before taking his pillow and trying to smother himself with it. "Stubborn little berk, just like his father." Sirius mused affectionately, though rather muffled. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

No notes today. Well, only apologies for taking so long. I must admit I totally forgot I had half of this chapter laying around. ^_^ I know it's a bit shorter than usual, but I couldn't find a better place to end it. I'm afraid I stuck humor (or attempted humor) in some odd parts. It was on purpose, I assure you. It's supposed to add to the effect. (keyword being 'supposed to') 

Extra thanks to snickerdoodle10201, whose review reminded me I hadn't updated. ^_^ 


	8. Chapter 8

What Could Have Been  
  
By: Sailoranime  
  
Disclaimer: Sailoranime - doesn't own Harry Potter. JK- owns Harry Potter. Happy?  
  
AN: He he.. sorry I took so long. I think this is one of the last five chapters. Not sure yet. I want to discontinue this, actually, but I won't, I think. But I promise if I do, I'll either find a better writer to finish it for me, or I'll post a nice, long outline of what is going to happen.  
  
When Harry entered the common room he wasn't at all surprised to find Hermione waiting for him. She seemed to have some sort of talent for knowing when he was doing something wrong.  
  
"Harry, where were you?" she asked with a yawn.  
  
"I... uh... I went to go see Sirius."  
  
Hermione's eyes widened slightly. "Oh, Harry, you didn't! Why would you do that?"  
  
"Well, he's my godfather."  
  
"Yes, I know that, but you know no one is allowed in there."  
  
"Well, it's just that he wrote me back, and I figured I might as well go see him, since he was awake." Harry answered with a shrug. Hermione still looked rather angry, but her curiousity won and she sat down next to Harry.  
  
"What did he say? How's Professor Lupin?"  
  
"Lupin's fine. He resigned, he went to go say by to Sirius while I was there."  
  
Hermione's mouth was almost as thin as McGonagall's. "You weren't rude to him, were you, Harry?"  
  
Harry shrugged and leaned back in the sofa. "I didn't actually talk to him. He came in while I was talking to Sirius, and he overheard some things, but I'm not sure how much."  
  
"You weren't saying anything bad, were you?"  
  
"I was just telling Sirius about how Lupin never tried to contact me and about how he lied."  
  
"Oh, Harry!" Hermione groaned. "You're so stubborn! Sure, what Professor Lupin did was... well, wrong, but don't you think you're taking everything out on him. I mean, you wanted to kill Sirius because you thought he killed you parents. Well, Wormtail did, so why are you mad that he died?"  
  
"That's the same thing Sirius said." Harry answered quietly. "But I didn't think Lupin was going to do anything... and he's a werewolf! He could have hurt one of us. And he hurt Sirius while we were running away. Sirius was trying to chase him away in his dog form."  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. "He's not a monster, Harry!"  
  
"Almost."   
  
"Oh, you're impossible!" Hermione picked up Crookshanks and marched towards the girl's dormitories.  
  
Harry shrugged and went to his room. He hadn't even checked on Ron. He opened the door quietly, since he didn't want to wake the others. He had wanted to kill Sirius, but he hadn't. How long had he stood there with his wand ready? Yet, he hadn't killed him, even though he'd had a chance. That was what made him different from Lupin. He hadn't done it?  
  
But if Lupin hadn't shown up? If he'd shown up a few minutes later? He would have come to his senses, wouldn't he? He would have taken Sirius to Dumbledore and let him deal with him. Sirius would have been kissed. But how did that make him any better than Lupin? An innocent man would have had his soul sucked out through his mouth, and that was worse than killing a guilty man.  
  
He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Lupin had killed Pettigrew, he'd betrayed Harry's trust. He had never tried to save him, he'd never told him the truth, he'd practically denied knowing his father.  
  
His train of thought was broken as one of the other boys rolled in his bed and accidentally hit the wall. Harry closed the curtains to his bed and tried to sleep. And the only thing that bothered him was that his reasons seemed to be less convincing each time he thought about them.  
  
AN: Short chapter, but I didn't want to leave everyone hanging. Um.. that's it for now. I promise not to take two months next time. 


	9. Chapter 9

What Could Have Been  
  
By: Sailoranime  
  
.................................................................................................................................  
  
Disclaimer: Sailoranime - doesn't own Harry Potter. JK- owns Harry Potter. Happy?  
  
AN: Ack! I took two months, didn't I? I'm so sorry, really I am. I didn't mean to, but TFtWH is like absorbing all my energy, and even chapters for that are every 2-3 weeks, even if they are longer. Okay, I'm not going to quit this story. I'm going to start writing it more often, and I PROMISE to have the next chapter out by the end of this month (July). Okay, here we go.   
  
.................................................................................................................................  
  
Harry woke up the next morning in a very good mood. He'd had some odd dreams, but he knew they meant nothing. He looked around, trying to figure out what had awoken him. The dormitory was empty, and the only living thing there was Crookshanks. Harry sat up and looked around. Exams were over, and it was a Saturday, so all Harry was going to do was finish the work he was behind on, lay around, and possibly go out and play Quidditch. Maybe he'd be able to see Sirius.  
  
He wasn't quite sure he wanted to see Sirius, though. He would probably insist that Harry forgive Lupin, but it wasn't like Harry had anything to forgive. He wasn't the one that was dead. Harry's mind went to Pettigrew, lying on the dusty floor of the Shrieking Shack.   
  
He looked at Crookshanks. "I guess you were right about Wormtail all along, weren't you?"  
  
Crookshanks purred as Harry rubbed his stomach. Making sure every body part was in its proper item of clothing, Harry got up and opened the door, only to see Hermione standing there.   
  
"About time you woke up! I sent Crookshanks in there almost half and hour ago."  
  
Harry looked at her oddly as they walked down the stairs. "Why didn't you just come in?"  
  
Hermione shrugged. "I talked to Professor McGonagall, and she thinks we might be able to go see Ron today. Except there were other students around when I asked her, so I didn't get a chance to ask if we would be able to see Sirius, too."  
  
Harry shrugged, "Ron was hurt pretty bad, but I think Madam Pomfrey might have him in better shape now. Do you think he'll be out in time for lessons on Monday?"  
  
"He probably hopes not to be." Hermione answered as they walked out of the Common Room and toward the Great Hall. "What do you think will happen now that Professor Lupin resigned?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, are we going to have a replacement? When Professor Lupin was ill, Professor Snape taught his classes-"  
  
"Oh, not Snape!"  
  
"Well, maybe if you would let me finish…! Professor Snape has his own classes to teach, and for him to teach both Potions and Defence Against the Dark Arts wouldn't make sense, and it would probably be too stressful on him." Hermione reasoned.  
  
"Besides," Harry added, "he'll probably need someone to teach his classes for him. He was pretty badly hurt, wasn't he? Last night they said he practically broke out of the Hospital wing, and I remember yesterday Seamus said something about seeing him limping to the dungeons."  
  
"He'll be better by Monday, I'm sure-"  
  
"Thanks for dashing my hopes, then, Hermione." Harry answered sarcastically, but Hermione saw him grin. "It's too late for us to get a new teacher, and they have a hard time finding someone to take that job, as it is. Maybe they'll give us the class period off."  
  
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"  
  
"It wouldn't be too bad."  
  
"No, I suppose not. To be perfectly honest, I almost fell behind on my work with all the classes I'm taking."  
  
"Well, we can catch up tomorrow. I think I want to play Quidditch."  
  
"Well, I suppose we can go outside for a bit, I'll finish up my class work while you fly around."  
  
"What do you mean? You never like coming outside with us when Ron and I go flying."  
  
"I know, but Ron can't come with you this time."  
  
"So you'll keep me company?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"This is about the Dementors, isn't it? I thought they were gone."  
  
"Don't be silly, of course it's not about the dementors." Hermione snapped. Harry raised an eyebrow. "Well, they're supposed to be gone, but you never know..." she added.   
  
"I'll be fine, Hermione."  
  
"Well, I could use some fresh air, anyways."  
  
Realizing he was not going to win that battle, Harry shrugged. They took a seat at the near-empty Gryffindor table. It wasn't until he saw how empty the Great Hall was, that he realized how late it was. "I really overslept, didn't I?"  
  
Hermione nodded. "Are you still mad at Professor Lupin?"  
  
Harry took a bite out of his sausage and shook his head. "I'm not mad."  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Well, you certainly do a good impression of it. If you're not mad at him, then what's bothering you? It's not about Pettigrew, so are you just upset that he never told you who he was?"  
  
Harry took a biscuit from the basket but said nothing. It was a few minutes before he finally spoke. "I just think he should have told the truth. Even if Dumbledore told him not to, he could have hinted at it. I like Lupin, I just don't understand him. And, he did kill Wormtail. Even if Wormtail deserved it.... I know I almost killed Sirius myself, but I didn't. "  
  
"Well, I don't know, Harry. I'm confused too, really," Hermione admitted, "But when I think of everything that could have gone wrong. If he'd escaped, you wouldn't be able to see Sirius anymore, he might have been caught. Professor Lupin's transformation really was unexpected. Besides, Harry, even if we'd managed to get Pettigrew up here, you know he would have been given the kiss. The Dementor's Kiss is the worst punishment they have, it's even worse than death, so Pettigrew is better off now than he would have been."  
  
"I hadn't thought about it that way." Harry admitted.   
  
Hermione was saved the trouble of answering when she saw McGonagall heading towards them. "I see you got him up, Miss Granger," she commented with something that might have been a smile. "I've talked to Madam Pomfrey, and she has kindly agreed to let you two see your friends." She put a delicate emphasis on the last word.  
  
Harry and Hermione thanked her and quickly finished their breakfast. Neither said anything on the way to the Hospital wing, and when they arrived they were met by a disapproving Madam Pomfrey who kept eyeing them suspiciously as if to see if they had healed properly while not under her care.   
  
Ron was sitting up on his bed, a slight grin on his face. Harry headed towards him, but Hermione stayed where she was. Harry gave her a questioning look at she moved towards him.  
  
"I'm going to go talk to Sirius first," she whispered in his ear, motioning towards the bed that was hidden by a curtain at the end of the hospital wing, "but I don't think it's a good idea for Madam Pomfrey to overhear, so can you keep her busy? Ask about Ron."  
  
Harry nodded, well aware that Hermione and Sirius were going to talk about him.  
  
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Okay, next chapter, we get to see the conversation. Like I said, I promise to have the next chapter out before the end of July. Meanwhile, check my LiveJournal for teasers or updates. And if you want to add me as a friend on LJ, feel free to do so. You can get to my live journal through my profile page, or you can just look for slightlypsycho. I'm rather in the middle of a quiz war, do don't be freaked out by any weird posts you may see... 0o  
  
'Til next time! 


	10. Chapter 10

What Could Have Been

By: Sailoranime

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Disclaimer: Sailoranime - doesn't own Harry Potter. JK- owns Harry Potter. Happy?

AN: Kept my promise. Almost.  
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It wasn't until Madam Pomfrey went into a rant about Ron's condition that Hermione risked slipping into the area that was curtained off and where Sirius was supposed to be.

"Mr. Black?" she called out softly before making her way through the curtain. She received no answer.

The curtains were heavy, and Hermione had a hard time getting through them. She almost let out a shriek as she noticed the bed was empty, though it definitely looked like it had been slept in. She was about to go warn Harry that Sirius was gone, when a dark-haired figure practically jumped up from the space between the bed and the wall, a spoon in hand a triumphant expression on his face.

Hermione held in the bubble of laughter that was threatening to escape, but a small giggle left her, and Sirius's eyes flew to her. He looked at her blankly for a second, before mutting, "You kids have to stop coming in on me like this," with so much conviction that Hermione did want to risk asking him who had stumbled onto him in a similar fashion.

Sirius stuck the spoon in an empty bowl and sat down, facing Hermione. Taking the hint, Hermione strode forward and shook Sirius's hand. "I'm Hermione, Harry's friend. I was with him the night..."

Sirius nodded. "I recognize you. Are you kids better?"

"Well, Harry's a little better than when you saw him last night, I'd say. I wasn't hurt, and Ron still here in the hospital wing with you." Hermione answered awkwardly.

"The redhead? How can I forget he's here? He snored all night."

Hermione gave a soft laugh, and the awkwardness was suddenly gone, or, at the very least, tolerable.

"So, how can I help you? Madam Pomfrey didn't let you in, did she?"

Hermione had the decency to blush slightly. "Well, Professor McGonagall told us we could come in to see Ron, and she implied Harry could see you too, but I don't think Madam Pomfrey knows we have permission. Harry's-"

"He's here?" Sirius jumped up and peeked through a small opening in the curtains.

"Yes, he distracted Madam Pomfrey so I could come in here. That's why I'm keeping my voice down, and you should too, unless you want her to think you're talking to yourself. Anyway, I came because I wanted to talk to you about Harry and Professor Lupin." Sirius nodded, so Hermione continued, "What happened last night? He still seems to be mad at Professor Lupin, but I can't imagine why. I already told him this morning that the Dementor's kiss is supposed to be worse than death, and that that was what Wormtail would most likely have gotten."

"Remus did him a favor, I think. Maybe it's his influence, but I can't bring myself to say that I wished that fate on anyone, probably not even Wormtail."

"Do you think Harry's still angry, then?"

"He seemed to be, last night. I'll have to talk to him again, but I think he may be coming around, finally."

"You don't think he's just afraid to admit he's wrong?" Hermione asked.

Sirius looked at her thoughtfully. "I don't know, you tell me. The more I think about it, the more I realize Harry's not exactly like James. Maybe it was the time in Azkaban that's messed with my head, but somehow I can't see James getting as upset as Harry did."

"Well, do you think Harry has a good reason to be angry?"

"I do, but I'll be damned if I'd admitted it before. I see his point, but I can't forgive-" Sirius stopped, suddenly realizing who he was talking to. He would have gone on, but he'd noticed her awkward expression in time to realize that she probably wasn't comfortable listening to him talk about such personal things, and it wasn't like he was dying to confide in a complete stranger, no matter how much Harry trusted her.

She seemed nice enough, but why did Harry trust her so much? And he definitely trusted her, that night was proof enough.

"Are you his girlfriend?" Sirius hadn't meant to ask the question. Or, at the very least, not so bluntly. It just came out, so he waited for an answer. God, had Harry grown up that fast?

"Whose?"

"Harry."

"Oh," Hermione began, and then she realized exactly what Sirius had asked, "Oh! No, no, Harry, Ron, and I are all just friends."

Well, so much for that theory.

"How'd you get to be such good friends?"

Hermione smiled, "I don't know, just happened, I guess. Has Harry told you everything he's done? I guess that's part of the reason we're good friends, because we've been through a lot together."

Sirius had realized somethings Dumbledore had said that Harry was exceptional, if not an exceptional student. Dumbledore seemed very proud of him, and considering Harry's willingness to follow his friend into the Whomping Willow without any help, he came to the conclusion that Harry was very brave, and probably no stranger to trouble.

"Harry hasn't mentioned anything." Sirius admitted. Hermione's eyes lit up.

"I can't believe he hasn't told you, but he probably didn't want to worry you."

Sirius frowned, "What has Harry been doing?"

Hermione's shrugged and changed the subject, since it obviously wasn't her story to tell. "I think it's about time I leave. I'll go see Ron so Harry can come see you."

As soon as the words left her mouth, Harry came in through the curtain. "Madam Pomfrey figured out you were in here."

An expression of horror replaced the smile that had been there, until Harry reassured her, "It's okay, she said we can see Sirius."

Hermione was visibly relieved, "How's Ron?"

"Okay, a little sore that we left him, but fine." Harry noticed Hermione was already occupying the chair, so he pointed to the foot of the bed, "Er... may I?"

Sirius nodded, and Harry took a seat.

"Sirius, that is to say, Mr. Black," she corrected herself with a little blush, but Sirius shook his head, "Er... well, Sirius wanted to know about the Philosopher's Stone in our first year, and the Diary from last year. I told him to wait until you came in to ask him."

Harry gave Hermione an accusatory glance and had the grace to look embarassed.

"Well, he wanted to know how we became friends, and I told him it was probably because of everything we've been through."

"Oh, that's easy," Harry answered with a mental sigh of relief, "we defeated a mountain together. Ron said something that upset Hermione, so she locked herself in a restroom," he looked at Hermione as he said that. Hermione rolled her eyes, realizing that he had left that part in the story just to teach her a lesson. "Well, someone had let a troll into the castle, and Ron and I saw it go into a bathroom while we sere looking for Hermione, so we locked it in. Then we realized Hermione was in there, so we rushed in and ried to distract it and get it out. We stuck a wand up its nose and knocked it out with its own club."

Judging by Sirius's reaction, it was a good thing Harry had come up with that story rather than tell him the story of the philosopher's stone.

"A mountain troll? A full grown mountain troll?" Sirius was obviously impressed, and he looked Harry up and down, wondering how such a scrawny kid had done it. "How old were you?"

"Eleven," Harry admitted.

"Your father didn't managed to take one until his 4th year."

That statement was met with shocked silence.

"Well, it was both me and Ron." Harry answered, once his voice had returned.

"But you faced You-Know-Who on your own at the end of the year." Hermione countered smugly.

"That was Quirell, not Voldemort."

"Of course it was, he was sticking out the back of Quirell's head, wasn't he?" Harry scowled at her, and Hermione hid her grin, "Harry defeated You-Know-Who in our first year and saved the Philosopher's Stone."

Sirius was looking at Harry with a bewildered expression on his face, so Harry began telling the story, reluctantly at first, but more confident as he picked up speed. Hermione added useful comments, and Sirius kept looking between Harry, Hermione, and towards where Ron was on the other side of the curtain.

"Dumbledore didn't tell me that." Sirius finally answered once they'd finished their story, and Harry shrugged. Hermione looked out the window and realized how late it was, and decided to point it out to Harry before he started telling Sirius about what had happened in their second year. At first, Harry hadn't wanted to tell Sirius, but he had steadily grown more excited as the story continued. He was still sitting at the foot of Sirius's bed, but he was relaxed, and he was clearly enjoying himself.

Reluctant to break the scene up, she announced she had to do homework. Harry looked at her, "D'you want to leave now, then?"

Hermione shook her head, "Stay with Sirius, I'll just go see if Ron's awake enough for a quick goodbye, and go back on my own."

"Er... I'll go with you, since you're gonna with me tomorrow to play Quidditch."

Hermione scoffed, "I always go to the library by myself, I can make it to the common room."

"Are you sure?"

Hermione, realizing Harry was still contemplating leaving Sirius just so she wouldn't be alone, smiled a little slyly and decided to trap him, "I'll be fine, I'm sure Sirius wants to hear about you saving Ginny's life."

Hermione heard Harry's groan as she battled her way through the curtain.

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Okay, I know I didn't post before the end of the month as I promised, but I have a good reason, and that reason is in my Livejournal. Go visit if you want to read my apologies. Also, keep an eye out for a future LiveJournal Entry where I'll be thanking the people who review this story, since I've been a tad negligent in that.

I do have to mention here that his story isn't H/Hr, as it was recently accused of being. It's true that I ship H/Hr, but I have no intention of making this a romance. Even this chapter doesn't have shippyness. And, Katie, if you happened to note more H/Hr in this chapter, I assure you I certainly didn't put it there to tick you off. wink wink, hint hint


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